Fuel Sources

I feel like I've just been in the hamster wheel of my own goals for the last few years. This time in Perth is really allowing me to step back and see what I'm doing from a different angle, explore different ways of doing it and realign my goals to suit what I now want to achieve. 

A thought crossed my mind recently that maybe the recipe to become an extraordinary athlete is to have a fuel source of insecurity, and a need for attention. What makes someone feel like they have to be better than everyone on the planet in a sport? And that anything short of that is a complete failure. 

I think it comes down to being conscious of the fuel source you are using. This is where I feel like I relate the most right now. 

While in Sweden I noticed how much I used other riders to validate the level of riding I was at. Almost waiting for an applause after each cool trick. Now there still has to be a level of recognition from others to avoid delusion of your own ability, but for me, using the external validation was not sustainable. 

Noticing that was difficult, and I had to be very honest with myself. But I think that might be the easy part. 

Now my job is to find something more sustainable to motivate me, while sitting in this void middle ground, trying to keep things on track. I've found a lot of meaning in writing this blog and exploring the psychological side of riding, along with the posters that I recently posted on my social media. 

I don't regret using external validation as a fuel source and I don't actually think it is a bad thing to get going. But right now in my journey, I need a change. The goal hasn't really changed that much, I just want to focus on not only THAT I achieve it, but also HOW I achieve it and who I become while going there.