The run I knew I wouldn't land

Imagine sitting at the top of the hill, at the biggest competition you've ever competed in. You're trying to visualise your run and you get to the 3rd feature along and the trick goes perfectly, but upon landing you go over the bars and smack your head. That was weird, lets rewind a couple seconds and try that again. The exact same thing. Ok lets really try and imagine it going well this time... Nope.

This was me at the Summer Series Slopestyle event in Christ Church, New Zealand, in February this year. My first competition back since I broke my foot in Switzerland 9 months earlier. My first FMB gold event, with a wildcard invite to Crankworx up for grabs. A childhood dream up for grabs. And if I didn't do well at this comp, then my ranking was going to take a big hit, preventing certain future event invites.

Throughout the week I was really trying to use visualisation as a tool to get my mind comfortable with doing the tricks before taking them to the course. To be as familiar with the trick as I could be. I've used it here and there at different times before, but never as much as I did at this comp. The closer it got to my finals run, the more this crashing scene would play in my head while trying to visualise my run.

I tried to just keep replaying the jump until it went the way i wanted it to. I tried to park the strategy completely, but a full day of wind before finals put some extra stress on and I brought the idea back out again. It seemed that whatever I tried was not making any improvements and the thought of this happening in my finals run was growing stronger. It was really starting to frustrate me.

It's finals day. I'm sitting at the top, feeling physically prepared. A few minutes away from giving this run a go. One last visualisation attempt that went just as well as the hundreds prior. Now I'm supposed to try and forget all that? That I can't imagine myself landing this run? I'm supposed to risk my life anyway?

I finished the day with 2 crashed runs, a weeks worth of bruises and an exhausted mind. My last run ending very similar to the visualisations, coming around on a front flip to find out I've sailed 2 meters past the landing and taken all the impact to the shoulder/head.

The frustration is probably where I went wrong. I tried to push through it and kept playing the same trick over and over in my mind until it went the way I wanted it to. Which eventually it did, but then I'd just imagined myself crashing 15 times and landing it once. In hindsight, I should have probably parked that strategy for this comp, as soon as that started happening. This sport is hard. Very hard. And I'm grateful for that. It teaches me these lessons that I can take into situations In everyday life that are not so life threatening.

I learnt that sometimes things aren't going to go well. No matter how important it is. No matter how much work I put in. No matter how much I feel like I deserve it. It's game over from the beginning. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't try as hard, or put in any less work. I'm becoming a better version of myself through failing. And that's a win.

See ya next week...